Saturday, January 7, 2012
Its been....
OMG I need a big drum roll here. Its has been over 2 weeks tomorrow that I have stopped smoking. Just wanted to post that. Yeah ME!!!!
Friday, January 6, 2012
Depression hurts
I am fighting one of the worst depressions ever. And the worst part about it (my eyes start to water the second I start to think of it) my husband is going through his own depression too. Its quite sad that we entered our marriage depressed. We still love each other. At least that is the feeling I have about us. But this depression lies to both of us each and everyday. He has since moved into the new apartment with me- our apartment in the different city - and since than has not been able to find work here in Lincoln, NE. The money we spend on gas, makes us both a little sick and we don't want to start the marriage living in separate cities. So he has been trying to come home every night except lately he has been home more and not working at all. He just spent his whole Christmas vacation at the house when he wanted to catch up on hours at work. And since he is a CNA and it was Christmas, they didn't have hours to give. So he has been at home a lot and his depression is now making me depressed.
I was able to avoid it before, but now since the move is over it's harder to escape it. And when I am depressed I want to spend money. If I have a good amount of money to just do whatever I want with it (bills have been paid already, but I really don't want to add anymore problems to the problems we have already) I want to SPEND, SPEND, SPEND. OMG a kitchen table would be awesome right now and its a need right? RIGHT? Oh please say it is ALRIGHT! O.o
I feel a little crazy and my computer history may be the proof that I am. I have been to 3 online stores so far, www.happyplace.com, my twitter account (@NE1Cattywhompus you can totally follow me!), The Onion (that is proof alone), and Cyanide & Happiness. Cause I need a little happyness in my life too Will Smith!
If it wasn't for my mother, and The Bloggess I think I would be in a far worst place right now. My mother gave me great advice last night. Basically it was to get my butt back to my faith. Of course I never lost my faith, I was just blindsided by a 3.3 ton hippo pulling out in front me, while I was doing 60 mph. Basically I was never expecting this in the first year of marriage. And this is not all of it, I just can't bring myself to write it all down on this blog because it is a private pain. But as I have mentioned I have hope. Its small right now but is growing with each passing hour and day. My hope will soon knock depressions out of its spot. I just have to keep my head up and not visit to many crazy online sites or I might end up with something completely crazy that I just had to purchase. OMG I just thought about it, ITS CRAFT TIME! That always puts me in a good mood and I can make something out of cheap things. First project a Sock Wreath, I can't wait.
Music to listen too right now to totally take my unhealthy brain to healthy again:
Christina Perri A Thousand Years
Stephanie Mabey Fragile Sometimes
I was able to avoid it before, but now since the move is over it's harder to escape it. And when I am depressed I want to spend money. If I have a good amount of money to just do whatever I want with it (bills have been paid already, but I really don't want to add anymore problems to the problems we have already) I want to SPEND, SPEND, SPEND. OMG a kitchen table would be awesome right now and its a need right? RIGHT? Oh please say it is ALRIGHT! O.o
I feel a little crazy and my computer history may be the proof that I am. I have been to 3 online stores so far, www.happyplace.com, my twitter account (@NE1Cattywhompus you can totally follow me!), The Onion (that is proof alone), and Cyanide & Happiness. Cause I need a little happyness in my life too Will Smith!
If it wasn't for my mother, and The Bloggess I think I would be in a far worst place right now. My mother gave me great advice last night. Basically it was to get my butt back to my faith. Of course I never lost my faith, I was just blindsided by a 3.3 ton hippo pulling out in front me, while I was doing 60 mph. Basically I was never expecting this in the first year of marriage. And this is not all of it, I just can't bring myself to write it all down on this blog because it is a private pain. But as I have mentioned I have hope. Its small right now but is growing with each passing hour and day. My hope will soon knock depressions out of its spot. I just have to keep my head up and not visit to many crazy online sites or I might end up with something completely crazy that I just had to purchase. OMG I just thought about it, ITS CRAFT TIME! That always puts me in a good mood and I can make something out of cheap things. First project a Sock Wreath, I can't wait.
Music to listen too right now to totally take my unhealthy brain to healthy again:
Christina Perri A Thousand Years
Stephanie Mabey Fragile Sometimes
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